Tuesday, July 3, 2012
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Friday, June 1, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
When Grief Doesn't Come
A friend's wife died a year ago of cancer. It's a Jewish tradition that at the one year death anniversary the headstone is set on the grave. This ritual is called an "unveiling." The headstone serves to identify the grave so that family and friends can find it when they visit. It is a way of finding and connecting to the beloved deceased.
My friend has had a very hard time finding his wife during this past year. He does not have dreams of her. He can't hear her voice. Her touch faded soon after she died.
He envies his children and friends who have regular visitations in the form of stumbling upon sweet memories at unexpected moments. Seeing a black cocker spaniel running across a field morphs into seeing her and her black cocker diving into the ocean and swimming circles around each other. Biting into a strawberry resurrects the flavor of the amazing salads she made that always had bits of sweet fruit hidden under the tart green leaves. A stranger's gesture becomes her fluid hand brushing her hair back from her forehead.
I think he fears that grief will be an endless abyss. He may be right. But I don't think it will be an endless, bottomless abyss. And since he can't yet approach the edge, he can't yet see her on the other side.
Do you know anyone who has suffered a deep loss and is having trouble grieving? Have you experienced trying to move through a grief process around your own illness experience, or your partner's? What has that been like?
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
Vitamin B15 or Pangamic acid
Ping your blog
What Vitamin B15 (Pangamic Acid) does and what it has been historically used for:
What Vitamin B15 (Pangamic Acid) does and what it has been historically used for:
- Acts to detoxify poisons and free radicals
- Extends the life span of cells in the body
- Helps angina and asthma
- Helps synthesize protein
- Helps to reduce a craving for alcohol
- Lowers cholesterol levels
- Protects against cirrhosis of the liver
- Stimulates the “anti-stress” hormones
- Stimulates the carriage of oxygen to the blood from the lungs, and from the blood to the muscles and vital organs of the body
Monday, May 7, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
When Parents are Enemies
My mother passed away a few weeks ago. She died of the same condition my father died from two years ago -- hospitalitis. That is -- you go into the hospital for one serious condition, and while there, the treatment results in unintended consequences, like aspirating fluid into the lungs, central line infection, and finally sepsis, which causes death.
They were both elderly with ailments and while neither one was terminally ill, they were not averse to dying. Their deaths were terribly sad, but not tragic. They had lived lives of consequence, filled with strong and loving stories. Their most generous stories, regrettably for me, were not about each other.
They were snipers. They sprayed each other with bullets of harshness and of indifference. Any dried up piece of turf could become their battleground. My father salted the food she prepared without tasting it -- blast! My mother smoked her secret cigarettes in the bathroom and saturated the house with the sickly evergreen air freshener she used to mask the shameful smoke odor -- blast!
No hand holding. No mushy names for each other. Just the binding routines of taking care of a business and a family, which substituted for marriage.
As they got older and physically impaired, the animosity grew worse. He, once the boss of a manufacturing plant, only had her to control. She, once the supervisor of the office pool in that plant, only had her own tiny tasks left to organize. He griped at her for not getting the mail on time. She expanded her silence.
I think he really did love her and was clueless about how to ever show it in a way that could touch her. He felt his inadequacy, was defeated by its weight, and retreated into TV and food. I don't think she ever did really like him. She resented him for not being enough and punished him with her indifference.
Age and illness did not undo them as a couple. All the fractures had been there for decades, growing wider and deeper. Age and illness just represented a new terrain. It constricted the bounds of their world and gave them fewer distractions and places to hide from each other.
I loved them both. Admired them both. Not for who they were to each other, but for who they were to me and to the world. They were good and kind. They gave ceaselessly to anyone who needed their comfort or benevolence. They were smart and funny.
I often wonder what it would have been like to have had parents who knew how to love each other.
Do you have (or had) parents who are good to each other? What is that like? Are your parents more like mine? What's that like for you?
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Germanium
Germanium is a much-acclaimed trace element. Nutritionally, organic germanium boosts the immune system by stimulating the production of interferon and other immune cells, increasing resistance to various diseases. It also lowers the oxygen requirements of body organs and is a powerful antioxidant, reducing peroxidation damage, and helping the debilitating diseases of ageing. As such, it was found to have a beneficial effect on ovarian malignancies, colon cancer and Hodgkin's disease. Organic germanium was also found to have anti-arthritic properties.
Trace amounts of germanium are present in most foods, but richer amounts are found in ginseng, garlic, aloe vera and comfrey, which may partially explain the health promoting effects of these foods. Germanium is also available as a supplement in health food shops, and online.
Trace amounts of germanium are present in most foods, but richer amounts are found in ginseng, garlic, aloe vera and comfrey, which may partially explain the health promoting effects of these foods. Germanium is also available as a supplement in health food shops, and online.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Chocolate can make you thinner
Natural Remedies for Asthma Natural Remedies for Asthma - symptoms, causes, natural remedy benefits, respiratory constriction and inflamation conditions, asthmatic remedies.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Does Illness Make You Wiser?
Does suffering make you wise, or just cranky? Does illness teach you to be more compassionate, or impatient? I'd like to believe that one of the lessons my pain gave me is to appreciate the small things that are exquisite and to let the big things that are really small just flow over me, like a passing shadow.
And I'd especially like to believe that the love and care Richard showed me as he helped me every day is a gift I treasure and return every day.
The truth is a bit of everything, as it often is.
I am wiser for having suffered. I learned about what was hidden in the inner recesses, and I learned not to be afraid of that or of anything, except more pain. I learned to accept unconditional love and unselfish caretaking -- a harder task than I imagined it would be. And, most days, I do remember that nothing is life or death, except, well, life or death.
But I do sweat the small stuff. The neighbor's car parked too close to the driveway. The colleague who oversteps his bounds and acts like a jerk while thinking he is being magnanimous. Even the remote control that's out of synch with the TV and will change the channel or adjust the volume, but not do both.
And I get cranky and impatient with Richard when he steps around the bin of recycles instead of taking it out to the curb. Or when he reads a piece of my writing and corrects the grammar instead of telling me how elegant the concepts are. I do love and appreciate him even day - just not to the exclusion of getting annoyed at the small stuff.
I wish I were wiser and more compassionate. I keep trying. I guess illness gave me potential, and the rest is up to me now.
What have you learned from your illness?
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Loving After Cancer
Excerpts from an article in the Jerusalem Post about a subject that rarely gets addressed. The whole article is worth reading.
The article refers to the work of two clinicians: Prof. Sharon Bober, a clinical and research psychologist at Harvard Medical School’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Dr. Rivka Klein, a Jerusalem-based clinical social worker and sex therapist who received her PhD in social work at the Hebrew University
How to bring the loving back after cancer
It’s unfortunately an “unmentionable” subject that even makes many physicians blush – and many others avoid raising the subject at all. But as growing numbers of cancer survivors want to resume intimate relations with their partners, raising awareness of the problem and offering clinical help need to be put on the agenda.
... Returning to one’s previous level of intimacy can often be a problem, because surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and hormonal medications may cause a lot of long-term side effects that interfere with sex.”
Sexuality, she says, is an experience at the junction of mind, body and relationship, and cancer treatment can affect all of those elements. From the first session, she tells patients that sexual dysfunction deserves as much attention as any other quality-of-life issue; that the problems should not cause embarrassment or shame; and that there are treatments that really work.
Cancer treatment may result in heart damage, kidney problems and disruptions of both male and female sexual function.
Men can become impotent, while women who had ovarian cancer can be propelled into early menopause. Other types of cancer can also have side effects.
....the example of one 38-year-old woman who suddenly lost her ovaries to cancer. “She hadn’t been told about what would come next in her life. She wasn’t ready for it. Her doctors told her she should be happy to be alive. But she and her partner suffered from her hot flashes, vaginal dryness, fatigue, dramatic loss of estrogen and lack of libido. She was depressed.”
Usually, either the patient is ashamed to raise the issue or afraid to embarrass their doctor – or the physician doesn’t know enough to raise it or afraid to embarrass the patient.”
The longer patients wait to undergo rehabilitation of their sexual functions, the harder it is to preserve.
“There are a lot of people who specialize in sexual medicine, but only a small subset who work with cardiac and cancer survivors and medical illness. Even younger cardiologists and oncologists may feel no obligation to talk about sexual function with their patients or don’t like to discuss it themselves. We have studied primary care doctors, many of whom weren’t prepared for broaching the subject.”
But “patients usually need psychological treatment, an integrative mind/body model. Women who have had a mastectomy, for example, usually feel very unattractive.
“It would be great if not only doctors were educated and willing to discuss these issues, but patients were also willing to hear about them,” they conclude. “There is no reason why people have to suffer in silence. They have suffered enough already."
Sexuality, she says, is an experience at the junction of mind, body and relationship, and cancer treatment can affect all of those elements. From the first session, she tells patients that sexual dysfunction deserves as much attention as any other quality-of-life issue; that the problems should not cause embarrassment or shame; and that there are treatments that really work.
Cancer treatment may result in heart damage, kidney problems and disruptions of both male and female sexual function.
Men can become impotent, while women who had ovarian cancer can be propelled into early menopause. Other types of cancer can also have side effects.
....the example of one 38-year-old woman who suddenly lost her ovaries to cancer. “She hadn’t been told about what would come next in her life. She wasn’t ready for it. Her doctors told her she should be happy to be alive. But she and her partner suffered from her hot flashes, vaginal dryness, fatigue, dramatic loss of estrogen and lack of libido. She was depressed.”
Usually, either the patient is ashamed to raise the issue or afraid to embarrass their doctor – or the physician doesn’t know enough to raise it or afraid to embarrass the patient.”
The longer patients wait to undergo rehabilitation of their sexual functions, the harder it is to preserve.
“There are a lot of people who specialize in sexual medicine, but only a small subset who work with cardiac and cancer survivors and medical illness. Even younger cardiologists and oncologists may feel no obligation to talk about sexual function with their patients or don’t like to discuss it themselves. We have studied primary care doctors, many of whom weren’t prepared for broaching the subject.”
But “patients usually need psychological treatment, an integrative mind/body model. Women who have had a mastectomy, for example, usually feel very unattractive.
“It would be great if not only doctors were educated and willing to discuss these issues, but patients were also willing to hear about them,” they conclude. “There is no reason why people have to suffer in silence. They have suffered enough already."
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