Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
May this holiday season and New Year bring you what you most desire
Thursday, December 22, 2011
How to Prevent Miscarriage
Free advertising & marketing site at UseAds.com - Submit & add url & exchange text links + increase traffic & improve page rank!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
If Your Partner Had Become Sick While You Were Dating, Would You Have Committed to the Relationship?

For many of us, first came the relationship and then came the illness or serious accident.
We met, fell in love, committed or got married, and then illness became the uninvited third member of the relationship. By the time illness entered, we had joined bank accounts, mixed laundry, combined dish sets, and co-mingled friends and dreams. There was a relatively solid platform for the relationship, and illness landed on that platform. When you're still dating, you might be in love, but the platform isn't that solid yet.
If your sweetie had become ill with a serious condition (perhaps the same one he or she has now) while you were still dating, would you have committed to the relationship?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
The sad-sweetness of holidays

My friend lost his wife eight months ago to leukemia. One month ago his grand-daughter was born. Her middle name is his wife's first name. This was his first Thanksgiving without his life partner in over 35 years. No one mentioned her name or spoke about Thanksgivings past - perhaps for fear of upsetting him. He did not speak of her either - perhaps for fear of darkening the day.
I think the not speaking made the day more lonely for all of them. Since they could not talk about the sadness of her absence, they couldn't reach the sweetness her presence brought to the table in years passed.
I don't know about you, but I think it's far better to speak and hold the sorrow than to sit alone together in silence.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Remember Love?

One of my favorite poems - and the only one I know by heart:
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Grand Rounds is Up
Monday, October 17, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Sharing the Worry

One habit Richard and I got into when I was at my worst was to share the worry. Some days I was so laden with worry -- What if I can't get an appointment with the one specialist who can cure me? What if I have to wait three months to see her? What if she winds up letting me down too? What if the new meds undo whatever slim good the old meds were providing? What if I'm in too much pain to make it to my niece's graduation celebration next year? What if... what if... what if...???
A wise person once said to me, "Don't worry twice." Don't pre-worry about a set of circumstances that live in the future. Good advice....but...
Sometimes worrying was the most energetic I could be. Worrying kept me tethered to the possibility of some other reality, one in which I didn't suffer, in which I didn't have to watch Richard flail, helpless to make me better.
Sometimes worrying was the only lifeline I could muster. You know what I mean?
But sometime worrying became too encompassing, too heavy. It flattened me.
Those were the times when Richard would step in and ask me if he could carry some of my worry load. "What can you let go of, even for an hour?" he would ask. There was always something. I pretended to put it on the table, and he pretended to pick it up. Sometimes, you are what you pretend to be, and this little scenario would often make me feel a bit lighter. On more enlightened days, I would realize that if I could let go of one worry, why not two, five, all of them. As long as Richard was safeguarding them for me and could return them upon request, I could let them go.
What do you do with your worries - as ill or as well partner? Do you protect your partner from them? Do you share them? Do they overwhelm you quietly? Do you release them?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Celery seeds may lower blood pressure and cholesterol
Advertising my web site free online UseAds.com - Add & submit url & exchange text links + increase traffic & promotion marketing website
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Pat Robertson is Dead Wrong!!

Many of you probably read about or saw clips of Pat Robertson's recent foot-in-mouth episode. He recopmmended that a man who had been taking care of his wife who is ill with Alzheimer's think of her as the "walking dead" and get a divorce and find a new companion. Oh yes, and make sure his wife is getting good "custodial" care.
WHAT!!!!!! you may say.
Well here is what I and my colleague said in a recent op ed published in the Chicago Tribune:
Pat Robertson is dead wrong
September 23, 2011
A person with Alzheimer's is not "kind of" dead. Not by a long shot. And televangelist Pat Robertson should know better than to speak flippantly from a position of authority on a matter that is complicated, nuanced and deeply personal.
As we learned through interviews with many couples, as well as with medical, spiritual, legal, rehabilitation and psychological experts, while writing "In Sickness As In Health: Helping Couples with the Complexities of Illness," couples find their way to deal with illnesses and catastrophic injuries.
We know what we are talking about when we say Robertson should beware of trying to make blanket statements without the benefit of knowing all the facts and issues. We have found that dealing with illness is a deeply intimate part of the couple relationship. What is right for one couple may be completely wrong for another.
When illness invades the couple relationship, partners ask themselves and each other some really hard questions: "What do I want to do for this person whom I have loved for many years?" "How much of my life do I give up to take care of my beloved?" "How do I sit by my beloved's side and watch her suffer?"
Robertson's assertion that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's is justified because she is "gone" is more than simply callous and insulting to anyone who has ever loved another. It goes to the heart of both morality and medical ethics. Physicians struggle every day to counsel families about the right time to cut off life support. Ethicists struggle to balance the impact of devastating disease with the persistence of the essential self.
To announce that someone is "gone" when she still has an emotional life — not to mention sensation in her skin, organs and tissues — is to dismiss her as a human being.
For those who find themselves at the intersection of lifetime love and overwhelming obligation, the right path is often painful and difficult to find. Robertson should have counseled this husband — and all partners grieving over the illness of their loved one — to seek psychological support, medical information, spiritual guidance and ultimately to look inside themselves and their relationship to determine the right thing to do. Instead he advised the husband of the ill woman to make sure the wife has custodial care before divorcing her and starting all over again.
He presumes too much.
Barbara Kivowitz, a consultant and psychotherapist in Boston, and Roanne Weisman, a science writer and author in Boston, are co-authors of the forthcoming book "In Sickness As In Health: Helping Couples Cope with the Complexities of Illness."
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Distant energy healing
Natural-Remedies-World.com - Are you looking for a natural remedies that works? This site has a complete list of natural remedies for a variety of ailments. Find remedies to treat you and your pets. You can also learn about a variety of herbs by reading the site's herbal index.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
What Couple-Related Decisions Have You Made Because of Illness?

There is so much uncertainty that accompanies illness, but one thing is certain -- illness brings change into how you think about yourself and your relationship. Illness can be a suppressant, but it can also be an activator. Illness can become a box into which you and your partner put your dreams; or it can be a catalyst to accelerating plans and making new decisions.
My illness led to our getting the most amazing dog in the universe (as is yours). It also led to writing a book about couples and illness. And it deepened Richard's and my ability to talk about the hardest topics.
Below is an excerpt from an article about a couple who decided to get married because he was about to undergo surgery for a cancerous tumor.
Geneva couple marries days before life-threatening surgery
by Frank Vaisvils, 8/31/11David Bieszke of Geneva wasn’t going to give up on asking his girlfriend of 18 years, Jennifer Pedersen, to marry him, and she returned that persistence by insisting doctors treat her would-be husband for his chronic illness even when they were told nothing was wrong.
David’s health slowly deteriorated in recent years, and his family doctor was perplexed about the cause. Meanwhile, David experienced chronic fatigue and pain began growing in his abdomen.
In April, Jennifer’s persistence led doctors to diagnose David with a 10-inch cancerous tumor choking a major blood vessel in his chest.
He underwent a six-hour surgery on April 29 at Loyola Hospital in Maywood.
Fearing she might regret not marrying him if anything happened during surgery, Jennifer finally said “yes” to David and the two were married in front of a Kane County judge three days before the surgery.
At a time when most newly married couples would be celebrating their future together, this pair’s fate was anything but certain as David entered the operating room.---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What significant positive plans or decisions have you and your partner made because of illness?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Is There a Cure for Divorce?
While this article doesn't refer to illness, I thought it might be interesting to you for it's take on how to thwart divorce. Divorce and serious illness are not strangers to each other. In one study, when the man became ill, only 3 percent experienced the end of a marriage; but among women, about 21 percent ended up separated or divorced......A relationship does not just end over night. It takes time. But there is that point in the relationship where the marriage "jumps the shark," as they say. It's often that one thing that happens over and over again, without the ability to change or compromise, and both partners emotionally close down on each other.
So when that one thing comes up, instead of shutting down, putting up your dukes, or setting down your battleground lines--basically letting your ego take over--what if that moment, when everything started going haywire, you actually do the exact opposite of what you normally do? What if, instead, you thought to yourself, "What does my partner need right now, what does my partner need today that makes them feel loved, and how can I provide that for them?"
So many times we really do know how to love the other partner, we know what they need and how to provide it. But we refuse to do those things because they're not doing things for us, they're not giving us what we want. That's probably how the majority of relationships end. The If-you-don't-do-it-for-me-I'm-not-going-to-do-it-for-you syndrome, and then a couple years later you're divorced, angry, pissed off, and ready to start over with the hope of a fresh new relationship. One that will probably repeat itself if you did not learn the lesson the first time around.
We refuse to love our partner the way they need, so the battlegrounds are drawn. Once the battlegrounds are drawn, you can kiss that relationship goodbye because there is no way in the world you're going to give in at that point. And neither is your partner. It often becomes a very dangerous tit-for-tat game that has no chance in hell of ever surviving or finding the love in the relationship again.
Relationships are a beautiful thing, and we could cut down on the divorce rate dramatically if we just spent a little bit of time every single day loving our partners instead of responding by how they treat or have treated us.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your thoughts?Saturday, August 13, 2011
Daring to Hope?

I recently started a new medication, which may be having a positive effect on my pain condition. This is the first major, desirable shift in over ten years.
For the first few months on this medication, I couldn't even allow myself to think that my pain could be controlled with only one, relatively benign drug. And I certainly couldn't express hope out loud. I did not want to offer any bait to evil spirits lingering in my vicinity, eager to pounce on optimism and turn it into yet another disappointment.
Over the years I have consulted most genres of specialists - from neurologists to gynecologists to uro-gynecologists to orthopedists to rheumatologists. I even saw a tropical medicine specialist. In my desperation, I also wandered over onto the fringe side of the healing spectrum and got some comfort from crystals and potions - although no decrease in my pain.
I have been primed to expect defeat. Richard, an optimist and scientist, has always believed in probability. And probability tells him that if I try enough options, some of them will work. His mantra has been: "There's always something more to try."
More often than not, I found this phrase to be exhausting. It left me feeling like a parched wanderer in an endless desert forcing myself to rise up to scale one more sand dune in the hopes of reaching an ever-vanishing oasis.
Recently, Richard began to give voice to hopes of recovery. I told him, "Shush. Be quiet." I'm not ready yet to broadcast.
For now, reaching toward hope is harder than anticipating more pain.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Many thanks
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Dislocated Shoulder -- Relationship Realignment

While hiking a steep mountain trail on vacation in Acadia National Park in Maine, my foot found the only rock with slime on it. I went down with a bang and dislocated my shoulder.
Richard and I had to hike back up to the road and hail a ride to the local hospital. Now, I've known pain, years of it. But this pain was a new taste treat and had me groaning and cursing and counting down the seconds until the nurse dripped some morphine into my vein, and then some more.
They were able to relocate my shoulder fairly easily and with that, the pain subsided.
Richard was by my side throughout -- helping me hike to the road, holding my stuff, sitting by my bed in the hospital. He was present and hugely helpful. And as the days passed and I had to learn to meet the world left-handed, he continued to be responsive to my requests for assistance and to problem solve.
He was wonderful, but I felt alone and wanted more -- and illegitimate for feeling greedy when he was trying so hard.
What was missing for me was overt empathy. At the same time I worked to be independent and do it all myself, I was a wounded bird who just wanted to be sheltered and babied. I did my best to tie my shoelaces one-handed while trying to ignore my yearnings to have my needs anticipated without speaking them aloud and to be cuddled and coddled and told that it would all be OK.
After a few days, I could no longer sustain this inner tension. I was growing weary of the strain and resentful of Richard's helpfulness without emotional empathy. We finally had a talk.
I tried to tell him what I was missing without blaming him for not providing it. I cheered his efforts at practical support and told him, as explicitly as I could, that I both accepted him and loved him, and still felt the sadness of not getting the kind of loving my injury had awakened.
He listened. And he tried to give me more emotional support. When he saw me struggle to wrap my sling around my shoulder he said to me, "I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I wish I could make it all better." His saying that made it far better for me than any attempts to help me adjust my sling.
The more I thought about the specifics of my current situation, the more I realized that the condition of being in a close relationship periodically involves the existence of a gap between what you get and what you feel you want. The gap of life.
The tricky part is not to deny the reality and legitimacy of your wants; while at the same time not punishing your partner for not fulfilling them and (and this is the trickiest bit) accepting him, with love and gratitude, for who he is and for staying in the conversation with you.
To hold both the love and the sadness, and sit side-by-side in the gap of life, together.
Do you know what I mean?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
New natural cancer cures blog
This link provides information about a proven cure for cancer the FDA have tried to suppress.
Treatments for cancer
Alternative cures for lung cancer
Holistic cure for colon cancer
Prostate cancer can be cured
Friday, July 15, 2011
What Do You Do When Illness Makes Sex Impossible?

What do you do when your partner is no longer interested in or capable of sexual intimacy with you?
Illness takes many tolls, on both partners. One of them is too often sexual intimacy. Medications, pain, and exhaustion can not only turn a libido off, but it can also make intercourse painful for the ill partner. The well partner may be just too drained after a long day of caretaking, working, caring for the kids, and running the household to want anything more intimate than falling asleep side-by-side. And the shift illness produces in some partner relationship -- turning a bond of equals into one of caretaker - patient -- can make sex feel like a taboo.
For some couples, their sexual connection had always been a source of joy that filtered into the rest of the relationship, making it glow. For other couples, sex was routine and its effects remained in the bedroom. For others, sex was never a strong part of the connection.
Whatever your pre-illness sexual habits were, illness too often disturbs them. Intercourse may no longer be possible. Even touching can be problematic. Some couples whose sexual experiences were mainly physical, now find they actually have to talk about what feels good and what doesn't.
Through talking about sex, couples may find themselves entering surprisingly deeper levels of connection, and describing desires that before illness were invisible.
Some couples find ways of being intimate without intercourse. Some are able to stay connected without any form of physical intimacy. Some break apart. Some partners seek sex outside of the relationship, with or without the knowledge of their partner. (note: for the sake of safety and integrity, I would recommend that this be discussed between the partners).
I'm interested in hearing about your situation. Has your sexual relationship changed? How have you managed to deal with illness and physical intimacy?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Live long and prosper.
I would just like you to know that I don't practice what I preach. Yes I don't smoke, but I do drink alcohol, more than I should. I don't have enough fruit. I have to force myself to eat it. I like vegetables, but don't get enough. I eat the wrong foods, I know, and I don't exercise enough. I do walk every day, but not enough. I would think what I do is about average, with all my readers, am I right?. Please feel free to comment, I would love to hear from you.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Old remedy new cures
A six month study has been done at Selly Oak hospital in Birmingham involving 21 patients whose wound had not responded to conventional treatment. The study showed that sprinkling sugar on to the wound kills the bacteria that prevents healing. It is said that the natural treatment of sugar could save the NHS billions of pounds.
You may know an older person who has a leg wound, or leg ulcer that just will not heal, this can cause considerable pain. Try sprinkling a little sugar to the wound along with vitamin c supplement 1-3 grams per day taken orally and see if this provides relief from the condition. Please feel free to comment on this.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Grands Rounds is Up
Monday, June 27, 2011
Everyday ailments
Bicarbonate of soda can help athlete's foot, body odour, chickenpox, gum problems, heartburn, heat rash, hives, indigestion, sore throat, sunburn and Uti.
Check my other blogs for many many more natural cures.
hostgator coupons
Friday, June 24, 2011
When You Feel Your Partner's Pain

This is a guest post written by Patricia Walling. It is a fascinating topic. Enjoy!
We often feel like when we really love someone we can feel their pain, and their suffering affects us greatly. Usually we explain this to ourselves as being the result of really caring about the one we love, and that it's completely a matter of the heart, but that may not be entirely the case. A recent study done at Monash University in Australia by Bernadette Fitzgibbon and some of her colleagues reveals that some people not only empathize with the pain of others, but can also feel it themselves. The study was done by using electroencephalography to monitor the brainwaves of amputees observing images of other people’s hands and feet in potentially painful situations. As it turns out, even if they don't normally feel phantom pain in their amputated limbs, amputees will actually feel real pain if they see others in pain or about to be in pain. This effect is called synaesthetic pain, which comes from the Greek syn-, together, and aisthe-, to feel or perceive.
Fitzgibbon and others propose that amputees are more able to feel synaesthetic pain in these instances due to a pain hypersensitivity, owing to the traumatic event of losing a limb. When we are threatened, our minds go into overdrive and are hypervigilant to pain anyway, and this is even more pronounced for those who have experienced such traumatic pain. This is much like when you are waiting to get a shot at the doctor's office, and the anticipation the pain of getting stuck with a needle is that much worse than if it happened randomly. Yet while you're waiting for the office to write up your bill and you watch someone else get a shot, something called our mirror neurons are also at work, making us wince when they stick them. These are the parts of our brain that allow us to “feel” the emotions of others, and enjoy drama in the theater.
However, that we can feel the suffering of others as though it were our own is nothing new to committed couples. Once my partner cut his hand wide open while cooking, and I could hardly look at it to bind it because it felt as though my own hand were cut open. In the past, I explained this experience as a result of our closeness, and that it was nothing to worry about. But with this new knowledge in mind, it is important to remember that when our partners are hurting, we hurt too. It can be easy to write it off as heartache and continue caring for them as much as we can, but we can end up hurting just as much, literally. Whether you're a full time caregiver or just helping your partner get through a nasty cold, it is important to remember that you also need to take care of yourself.
