Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Distant energy healing
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Saturday, September 3, 2011
What Couple-Related Decisions Have You Made Because of Illness?

There is so much uncertainty that accompanies illness, but one thing is certain -- illness brings change into how you think about yourself and your relationship. Illness can be a suppressant, but it can also be an activator. Illness can become a box into which you and your partner put your dreams; or it can be a catalyst to accelerating plans and making new decisions.
My illness led to our getting the most amazing dog in the universe (as is yours). It also led to writing a book about couples and illness. And it deepened Richard's and my ability to talk about the hardest topics.
Below is an excerpt from an article about a couple who decided to get married because he was about to undergo surgery for a cancerous tumor.
Geneva couple marries days before life-threatening surgery
by Frank Vaisvils, 8/31/11David Bieszke of Geneva wasn’t going to give up on asking his girlfriend of 18 years, Jennifer Pedersen, to marry him, and she returned that persistence by insisting doctors treat her would-be husband for his chronic illness even when they were told nothing was wrong.
David’s health slowly deteriorated in recent years, and his family doctor was perplexed about the cause. Meanwhile, David experienced chronic fatigue and pain began growing in his abdomen.
In April, Jennifer’s persistence led doctors to diagnose David with a 10-inch cancerous tumor choking a major blood vessel in his chest.
He underwent a six-hour surgery on April 29 at Loyola Hospital in Maywood.
Fearing she might regret not marrying him if anything happened during surgery, Jennifer finally said “yes” to David and the two were married in front of a Kane County judge three days before the surgery.
At a time when most newly married couples would be celebrating their future together, this pair’s fate was anything but certain as David entered the operating room.---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What significant positive plans or decisions have you and your partner made because of illness?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Is There a Cure for Divorce?
While this article doesn't refer to illness, I thought it might be interesting to you for it's take on how to thwart divorce. Divorce and serious illness are not strangers to each other. In one study, when the man became ill, only 3 percent experienced the end of a marriage; but among women, about 21 percent ended up separated or divorced......A relationship does not just end over night. It takes time. But there is that point in the relationship where the marriage "jumps the shark," as they say. It's often that one thing that happens over and over again, without the ability to change or compromise, and both partners emotionally close down on each other.
So when that one thing comes up, instead of shutting down, putting up your dukes, or setting down your battleground lines--basically letting your ego take over--what if that moment, when everything started going haywire, you actually do the exact opposite of what you normally do? What if, instead, you thought to yourself, "What does my partner need right now, what does my partner need today that makes them feel loved, and how can I provide that for them?"
So many times we really do know how to love the other partner, we know what they need and how to provide it. But we refuse to do those things because they're not doing things for us, they're not giving us what we want. That's probably how the majority of relationships end. The If-you-don't-do-it-for-me-I'm-not-going-to-do-it-for-you syndrome, and then a couple years later you're divorced, angry, pissed off, and ready to start over with the hope of a fresh new relationship. One that will probably repeat itself if you did not learn the lesson the first time around.
We refuse to love our partner the way they need, so the battlegrounds are drawn. Once the battlegrounds are drawn, you can kiss that relationship goodbye because there is no way in the world you're going to give in at that point. And neither is your partner. It often becomes a very dangerous tit-for-tat game that has no chance in hell of ever surviving or finding the love in the relationship again.
Relationships are a beautiful thing, and we could cut down on the divorce rate dramatically if we just spent a little bit of time every single day loving our partners instead of responding by how they treat or have treated us.....
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Your thoughts?Saturday, August 13, 2011
Daring to Hope?

I recently started a new medication, which may be having a positive effect on my pain condition. This is the first major, desirable shift in over ten years.
For the first few months on this medication, I couldn't even allow myself to think that my pain could be controlled with only one, relatively benign drug. And I certainly couldn't express hope out loud. I did not want to offer any bait to evil spirits lingering in my vicinity, eager to pounce on optimism and turn it into yet another disappointment.
Over the years I have consulted most genres of specialists - from neurologists to gynecologists to uro-gynecologists to orthopedists to rheumatologists. I even saw a tropical medicine specialist. In my desperation, I also wandered over onto the fringe side of the healing spectrum and got some comfort from crystals and potions - although no decrease in my pain.
I have been primed to expect defeat. Richard, an optimist and scientist, has always believed in probability. And probability tells him that if I try enough options, some of them will work. His mantra has been: "There's always something more to try."
More often than not, I found this phrase to be exhausting. It left me feeling like a parched wanderer in an endless desert forcing myself to rise up to scale one more sand dune in the hopes of reaching an ever-vanishing oasis.
Recently, Richard began to give voice to hopes of recovery. I told him, "Shush. Be quiet." I'm not ready yet to broadcast.
For now, reaching toward hope is harder than anticipating more pain.
