How Do You Grieve for Your Partner?

Sorry for the absence. I was with a friend who was dying from leukemia and then with her husband and adult sons after her passing.

She and her husband were one of those lucky couples who totally adored each other, from the day they met. And he continues to adore her after her passing. They were so loving to each other that even when they fought, each person tried to comfort the other for the pain he or she was inflicting. To be angry and compassionate is a high state of relationship.

Sixty people stood by her open grave for over two hours on a bitingly cold New England afternoon. Many shared stories that commemorated her selflessness, her vivaciousness, and her love for her husband, family, and friends. Everyone helped shovel dirt onto her plain wooden coffin, an act of final respect her community and family paid to her.

The husband is bereft, robbed of half of his spirit, his memory, his daily reality. How can he preserve the forty years they spent together; and how is he to grieve for the remaining 20 or 30 years he will have without her? Right now he is being a good host to all those who have come to gather in her memory. He is worried about how his children are doing. He went back to the hospital where she was treated and died to thank the nurses and aides and doctors who cared for her. He has had a few episodes of crying on the shoulder of some dear friends. He cries more freely at night, alone, in bed.

I took him on a walk around their neighborhood. He started to tell me how sorry he was that she had so much loss and pain in her life. Sorry that he could not diminish it or protect her from it. Sorry that he could not help her. I told him to tell her. Talk to her. Say to her, "I am sorry you had pain and that I could not make it better for you." He asked me to tell her for him. I did. Then he cried. A few minutes later he sighed deeply and said, "I did make it better for her. I did." Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is like a prayer. Better than a prayer."

We are so amputated from expressions of grief in our western, U.S. culture. We hurry grief along as if it were not a river. We don't have a catalog of possibilities for holding and expressing our grief, so we wonder what is OK and what is not. Some may have religious ritual to guide them; many don't; and even religious ritual may not offer all the forms of expression a mourner might need.

Mourning, I believe, does not only occur after the moment of death. I think we (both the ill and the well partner) experience forms of grief with each diminishment of function and possibility that illness inflicts throughout its course.

Grief, I believe, is not completely apart from celebration. Grief forces memory, and memory connects us to experiences we cherished and invites us to reclaim a life that was a force of joy. A life that merits celebration.

Her husband wrote this in an email he sent to me:
"People have told me that I should be nourished by my memory of our relationship. I cry because the despair, the yearning ache I suffer, is just not sated by remembering the way in which she and I loved any more than my hunger is satisfied by remembering a delicious meal I once ate."

I emailed him back:
I think remembering is not a substitute, it's not even an approximation. It's one way to remain connected to not only her, but to a vital part of ourselves. The good part -- the part she inspired us to get better at.

Remembering, talking to her, seeing her in her favorite chair or playing with the dogs. These acts bring a rush of sweetness that is too soon eclipsed by the overpowering sadness. But I want the sadness as much as I want the sweet memories. It all helps me to feel close to her, to feel her in my present and not just the past.

In the Jewish tradition, we don't ask that the mourner be nourished by the memory of the person who died. We say - May her memory be a blessing to you.

I think that means that at some point in time, maybe now, may the ways in which she lives inside you help you to continue to be the best person you can be.
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How have you mourned for your partner, or for yourself? What advice or counsel or comfort did you receive that was helpful? What did you receive that was definitely not helpful?

Natural cures for angina

Are there natural cures for Angina?.

Angina, sometimes called angina pectoris, is the pain that occurs when your heart isn’t getting enough oxygen. You feel a sensation of heaviness or pressure in the middle of your chest. Sometimes the pain radiates to your left arm, throat, or jaw.

Exercise, a large meal, emotional upset, or stress can bring on an attack of angina. But the condition that makes such attacks possible is narrowing of the coronary arteries, which carry oxygen-rich blood to the heart.

What makes these arteries leading to the heart become narrower? Little clumps of cholesterol-based substances called plaques, which accumulate along the artery walls. It’s similar to the gunk that builds up in the pipe draining your kitchen sink.

Elevated blood cholesterol is one cause of plaque, but it’s not the sole cause. According to current theories, the initial step for plaque formation is a injury to the inner lining of the artery, called the endothelium.

What causes that injury? Scientists don’t yet know for certain. But as in the beginning of a murder mystery, many suspects have been implicated. Cigarette smoking is one common cause, as are the normal chemical processes of aging. Vitamin B6 deficiency is thought to play a role. Other possible factors include immune-system malfunctions; physical injury, viral, bacterial, or chemical assaults; drug use; and poor diet. Also, certain chemical agents can cause blood cells called platelets to clump together, helping plaque to form.

Angina is a serious problem and should never be ignored; it can lead to a heart attack. This is not time to play the stoic. If angina-like symptoms begin to occur with greater frequency or with less provocation than usual, they could be a sign of worsening heart disease and impending heart attack. And if you have any undiagnosed chest pain, see your doctor immediately for an evaluation.

Because angina is such a serious disease, you must continue to see your family physician or cardiologist on a regular basis. If you are on medications for angina, work with an experienced herbalist-there are many potentially dangerous ways that drugs for the heart and herbs can interact. Do not stop taking prescribed medications on your own.

Herbal treatments for angina focus on preventing attacks. Once and episode of angina is occurring, take your nitroglycerin. Herbs can do much for angina-lower blood cholesterol, prevent and heal injuries to the endothelium of arteries, prevent the clumping of blood platelets, shrink plaques, and expand or dilate involved arteries. Herbs can also strengthen the heart in general, especially the herbs that improve energy metabolism within the heart.

There is a cure out there

Ever since I was young I was interested in alternative ways of healing people. In my early days I had a great deal of success in treating my family and friends in a natural way, with minor complaints.
I still think think there are natural cures to yet be discovered in such places as in the Amazon jungle, or in the depths of the oceans.
Some plant, or a fish that heal people with serious illness such as cancer, or heart disease.
The cure may be right in front of us, in our own garden. I eat small amounts of a leaf that is unknown to me, just to see its effect. I do not advise doing this, as some plants, or herbs can be very poisonous.
Holistic cancer cures

More unusual herbs that can cure.

 Viscum, or mistletoe as it is known has herbal and healing properties, although I am unsure how it is prepared as a remedy. Warning all parts of the mistletoe plant , especially the berries are toxic if eaten. I know that parts used as regards herbal healing are the leafy stems and fruits.

In alternative therapy the herb is a pungent, bitter-sweet, warming herb that lowers blood pressure, stimulates the immune system, slows heartbeat, relaxes spasms, and has a sedative, diuretic, and anti-cancer effects. 

Internally medicinal uses are for arteriosclerosis, mild hypertension, nervous tachycardia, nervous tension, insomnia, panic attacks, tinnitus, epilepsy, st vitus's dance, and cancer, especially cancer of the lung, and cancer of the ovaries, although more research into this will be needed.

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American Idol

My guilty pleasure is that I watch American Idol - regularly. I love to hear beautiful music come from unexpected places, and people. When a mountainous voice comes out of the mouth of teeny, tiny, sixteen year old girl who looks like she should barely be able to muster a whisper -- I smile. When a nerd sings opera or a geek rocks out, I smile again.

One of this season's sagas is about a young man with a beautiful voice who was engaged to a vital, intelligent, active woman. She, tragically suffered serious brain injury in an accident and is wheelchair bound and has difficulty communicating.

The Idol contestant says, "I was about to make vows just two months from the accident – through thick and thin, 'til death do us part, for better or worse,' he said. What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most?"

He stands by her side; he sings for her.

I have tried to imagine myself and my sweetie in their roles in their situation. I discovered that I honestly have no idea what I would do. Would I stand by my man -- and for how long? Would I make sure my man was well cared for in a facility and visit as often as possible? Would I still be able to sing? If I were brain damaged, would I want my sweetie to stick by me; or would I want him to move on? Would his presence be too much of a painful reminder of what we were supposed to have? Or would his steadfastness give me courage?

What are your thoughts? Do you know what you would do if you were the man? or the brain damaged partner?

Naturopathy can cure disease.

The best natural way to cure disease and illness such as cancer is prevention. You can incorporate naturopathic remedies such as improved nutrition  and vitamin supplements into your recovery strategy.
Various anti-cancer diets share some similar principles: high fibre, low fat, mostly vegan, and avoiding salt and sugar.
Antioxidants are recommended: Beta carotene, found in carrots, high doses of vitamin c and e, and zinc. Grape seed extract, available in supplements is another powerful antioxidant.
Abnormal cervical cells have been linked with a deficiency in folic acid, which is depleted by the pill and smoking.

The latest natural cure.

I am searching for the latest natural cure. A new break-though on a natural way of curing illness and disease such as cancer. If you know of a new way or curing in a natural way please leave your comment below, it should be a cure from 2011.