How Couples Can Deal With Crisis

From an article in Examiner.com by Janet Clark

Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, authors of The Good Marriage, identify nine specific tasks couples must tackle in order to create a good marriage. The fourth task is a tough one: "to confront and master the inevitable crises of life, maintaining the strength of the bond in the face of adversity." This is probably the last thing a young couple is thinking about when they fall in love and look at each other-and life-through rose-colored glasses. But there is no doubt they will have to deal with some serious issues during the course of their marriage.

It's sometimes said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The same thing can be said about a marriage: tragedies, crises, difficulties have the potential to make or break a marriage. Couples will face illness, death of loved ones, loss of jobs, problems with children, and a host of other challenges throughout the course of a lifetime. The couples who pull together in times of trouble follow certain steps, according to Wallerstein and Blakeslee. First, they look at the situation realistically and are able to think how their lives, and the lives of other family members, would be affected. They avoid"awfulizing" the situation: while they recognize the realities of the challenges they are facing, they're able to also take time out from dealing with the problem and try to enjoy life.

They don't blame each other or say, "I told you so," because they know everybody's human and prone to error. "In fact, they went further by trying to protect each other from inappropriate self-blame," the authors said of the couples who managed this task successfully. "They protected each other against self-reproach and shame." But they don't have to pretend everything is hunky-dory: they are able to acknowledge their fears, anxiety, sadness, and anger in appropriate ways, and sometimes not so appropriately. They can allow themselves, and their partner, to lose their cool once in awhile (without being abusive) and not take it too seriously.

Finally, "they blocked the crises they could see coming," said Wallerstein and Blakeslee. "Rather than waiting until a spouse's drinking or acting out or depression was overwhelming, they intervened at an earlier stage." They don't allow their partner to go over the edge in response to whatever crises is at hand: they let them know how much they care about them, and also let them know they will not stand by and watch their partner self-destruct.

What Would You Miss About Illness?

I know this is an odd question. For many of us, our conditions don't necessarily disappear, but maybe they do fade in and out. Perhaps some of you (both the ill and the well partner) have luckily had the experience of being without symptoms long enough so that you can think of life as a journey and not just as an intermission between pain or fever spikes.

I had the good fortune of being in a symptom free phase for a few weeks and I started to notice that I was forgetting to do things like a sick person. I wasn't planning my days around the phases of pain. I bought tickets to a play three weeks ahead -- not out of hope that I would be ok, but out of forgetfulness to take my condition into consideration. Out of the irrelevance of pain.

One day, perhaps perversely, I starting reflecting on the question: "What do I miss about my pain condition?" I realized that I missed a kind of intimacy I had with Richard when pain was the major force in our relationship.

We see each other a lot more when I'm in pain, mostly because I don't really go anywhere. And we sit quietly, in the same room, not necessarily talking or reading -- just being. It's not that I want pain back so we can reclaim this kind of intimacy. I just want to remember to call on my consciousness to create this intimacy and not wait for pain to dictate the terms we engage on.

What does your illness do for you? What do you, or would you, miss about your illness should it fade for a week or two?

Some interesting herbs/plants

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Boost your immune system against Swine flu

The Swine flu virus will only multiply and lead to disease if the immune system is weak. Most viruses become less aggressive over time because they want to spread and not kill their hosts. Hence the general advice, cover your face when sneezing, and WASH YOUR HANDS. If Swine flu kills its hosts they will die as well.

The following advice will help to strengthen your immune system in preparation for viruses such as Swine flu. You will increase your resistance if you have a good digestive system. Take probiotics daily, available in health food stores in the form of yogurt culture, and also chocolate.

Get plenty of sleep, the body knows how to heal, and it does this best when sleeping. You can increase your resistance to disease 300% if you get enough rest.

Make sure you stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water, this allows the body to flush toxins.

Exercise increases your resistance to disease. It stimulates the cleansing blood flow. Exercise does not have to be strenuous to be beneficial. Science has shown that walking daily is good for your health and well being. Sunshine can also help, as this increases the level of vitamin d within the body.

In a small town called Chirchik, Russia, a flu epidemic swept the town. When many adults and children did not get sick scientists wanted to know why they were immune to the disease. It turns out that all of them used the berries from an herb called Shizandra.

Goldenseal strengthens the immune system, cleanses and detoxifies the body. It has anti bacteria properties.

Astragalus boosts the immune system and generates anticancer cells in the body. It is also a powerful antioxidant and protects the liver from toxins. This makes this plant ideal for people suffering from dark circles due to liver problems and depressed immune system. IMPORTANT: Do not take this herb if fever is present.

Include in the diet chlorella, garlic and pearl barley. These foods contain germanium, a trace element beneficial for the immune system. Also giant red kelp contains iodine, calcium, iron, carotene, protein, riboflavin and vitamin C, which are necessary for the immune system’s functional integrity.

Kept From A Dying Partner's Bedside

What a senseless infliction of suffering on a couple already in pain. What is it going to take to put compassion before politics, prejudice, stupidity, and insane legalities? What is it going to take to change laws that are just plain wrong?

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From a May 18 New York Times article by Tara Parker Pope

KEPT FROM A DYING PARTNER'S BEDSIDE

"When a loved one is in the hospital, you naturally want to be at the bedside. But what if the staff won’t allow it?

That’s what Janice Langbehn, a social worker in Lacey, Wash., says she experienced when her partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, collapsed with an aneurysm during a Florida vacation and was taken to a Miami trauma center. She died there, at age 39, as Ms. Langbehn tried in vain to persuade hospital officials to let her visit, along with the couple’s adopted children.

“I have this deep sense of failure for not being at Lisa’s bedside when she died,” Ms. Langbehn said. “How I get over that I don’t know, or if I ever do.”

The case, now the subject of a federal lawsuit in Florida, is being watched by gay rights groups, which say same-sex partners often report being excluded from a patient’s room because they aren’t “real” family members."

Grands Rounds at Health Blawg

Some interesting posts. Check it out.

Easy way to beat heart disease

An easy way to beat heart disease,and strokes is quite simple, eat tomatoes!

Tomatoes are a rich source of lycopene
Scientists say a natural supplement made from tomatoes, taken daily, can stave off heart disease and strokes.
The tomato pill contains an active ingredient from the Mediterranean diet - lycopene - that blocks "bad" LDL cholesterol that can clog the arteries.
Ateronon, made by a biotechnology spin-out company of Cambridge University, is being launched as a dietary supplement and will be sold on the high street.
Experts said more trials were needed to see how effective the treatment is.
Preliminary trials involving around 150 people with heart disease indicate that Ateronon can reduce the oxidation of harmful fats in the blood to almost zero within eight weeks, a meeting of the British Cardiovascular Society will be told at Ateronon's launch on Monday.
Our advice to heart disease patients or those at high risk is to rely on proven medications prescribed by their doctor, and aim to get the benefits of a Mediterranean diet by eating plenty of fresh fruit and veg
Professor Peter Weissberg of the British Heart Foundation
Neuroscientist Peter Kirkpatrick, who will lead a further research project at Addenbrooke's Hospital in Cambridge on behalf of Cambridge Theranostics Ltd, said the supplement could be much more effective than statin drugs that are currently used by doctors to treat high cholesterol.
But Professor Peter Weissberg of the British Heart Foundation said: "As always, we caution people to wait for any new drug or modified 'natural' product to be clinically proven to offer benefits before taking it.
"It will take some time, and several clinical trials, to provide such evidence for Ateronon.
"In the meantime, our advice to heart disease patients or those at high risk is to rely on proven medications prescribed by their doctor, and aim to get the benefits of a Mediterranean diet by eating plenty of fresh fruit and veg."
He said the British Heart Foundation had supported some of the basic science at Cambridge University underpinning the development of the product.
Professor Anthony Leeds, trustee of the cholesterol charity Heart UK, said: "The new lycopene product Ateronon represents an entirely new approach to the treatment of high blood cholesterol and opens up the exciting possibility."
He said the preliminary findings were "very promising".
Lycopene is an antioxidant contained in the skin of tomatoes which gives them their red colour. But lycopene ingested in its natural form is poorly absorbed.
Ateronon contains a refined, more readily absorbed version of lycopene that was originally developed by Nestle.
Dr Peter Coleman of The Stroke Association said: "We know that diets rich in antioxidants are beneficial in reducing the plaque build up and welcome the findings of this research."


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