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Dual Diagnosis Couples

From a recent New York Times article by Tara Parker-Pope: A Couple’s Knot, Tied Tighter by Dual Diagnoses.

"....On Valentine’s Day, he learned he had Stage 3 rectal cancer..."

"Her doctor had only recently ordered a mammogram after Ms. Bond had found a lump in her breast, but it had to be delayed for a few weeks so she could wean Sadie from breast-feeding. Because she had a history of cysts, she wasn’t worried. Yet within a week of the diagnosis she learned that the cancer was Stage 4, the most advanced: it had already spread to the liver, pelvic bones and spine...."

"Having a spouse with a life-threatening illness is hard enough. But what happens when both partners get sick?"

“Our lives are not tragic,” Ms. Bond said. “We’ve always felt blessed and happy. It’s hard to take that away even in the face of something scary and seemingly insurmountable.”

"Elisa and Nathan both had similar reactions to the dual diagnoses. They didn’t immediately worry about themselves, but both worried about how they could take care of each other."

"Even so, they both say that having cancer together gives each of them unique insight into the other’s needs and challenges, and has surprisingly allowed them to spend more time with each other."

“If you’re going to be sick in bed, at least the person who is next to you is a person you enjoy being with,” Elisa said. “It’s a small thing, but it helps.”

"The shared experience helps them focus on the importance of keeping life as normal as possible."

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I am continually amazed at people's ability to cope, endure, and even grow closer under the hardest of circumstances. I know having one partner in the couple be ill can be so difficult. The situation described in the article sounds overwhelming (and at times I bet it is), yet this couple copes.

Are you in a relationship in which both partners have a serious health condition? What is that like for you? How do you negotiate dealing with daily practical demands; and how do you deal with providing each other with support when you're both feeling the strains of illness?

3 Pieces of Advice

Once in a while, I get a phone call from someone who found my blog or an article I wrote or is a friend of a friend of a friend. She or her partner has been living with pain or illness and is looking for guidance. Today, I was contacted today by the well partner of a woman who was recently diagnosed with CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome). He wanted advice, ideas, help, hope, anything.

As we spoke, I realized I have three messages that I tend to emphasize. Here they are:

1. There is always room for hope.
2. Keep searching. If one approach doesn't work, find another one. There is always something else to try.
3. Find the great doctors (and practitioners). Good just isn't good enough. Find the great ones. And, for me, the great ones are often those who are both clinicians and researchers.
   

What key messages or lessons do you offer to others (or to yourself and your partner) that keep you going or serve as anchor points for living with illness?

Energy flow

Reflexology has a strong connection with the Eastern principles of energy movement and energy meridians. It is believed that reflexology was developed in conjunction with the principles of acupuncture and so works with the more subtle force of Chi and its movement around the body.


Chi is an unseen force  of current that flows though the body, giving us life. Easch person holds this energy, we obtain it though food, water, and the air we breathe.


Wellbeing    Other ways to cure cancer   Natural cures   Healthy ideas   

Taking A Break

Caretakers - when do you take a break? I don't mean the kind of break where you go to work, or drive the kids to soccer practice, or sit down and close your eyes for a moment. Nor do I mean a solely a physical or geographical break. I also mean an emotional break. When do you take the time and the space to separate yourself from the labors of caretaking and from the accompanying heartache, anger, and emotional weariness?

And ill partners -- you may not be able to take a break from your own body and its symptoms, but do you take a break from the emotional suffering illness arouses?

For my partner's birthday, I gave us both the present of attending a four hour long program given by a renowned Tibetan Tulku and meditation master. The topic was loving-kindness. We are not Buddhists or meditators, but I thought we both needed some spiritual rescue from the all-encompassing fatigue of living with illness.

He spoke for the first two hours about pure love and the importance of focusing on joy. In truth, I couldn't capture much of what he said because the rhythmic way in which he spoke was already taking me to another dimension.

The final two hours he talked us through a guided meditation. I don't think Richard or I have sat still for two hours, in such quiet and peace, in years, maybe decades. Usually, when I'm not distracted or moving, my pain finds ways of reminding me that it has not yet gone away.

This experience (of guided meditation from a master) was much more than an unexpected break from the trivialities and the calamities of illness. It was a boost up to another level of experiencing. We focused on receiving joy and love from a pure source; of infusing every cell in our body with the light of that love; and then pouring that light out into the world to reach every living being.

For a couple of hours, we were part of a cycle that had nothing to do with illness or pain. A cycle that sustained us and engaged us as conduits, participating in creating something bigger than ourselves and our worries.

I have tried to go back to that space in the weeks since we attended this program. On my own, the light is a little dimmer, and my connection to the whole is more frayed. But I do get a break.

Have you found a way to get a break? What is your way?

Romantic Break-Ups Cause Real Pain

From an article on foxnews.com:


"Rejection quite literally hurts — the experience and the memory of getting dumped by a loved one trigger brain regions linked with physical sensations of pain, scientists find.

Smith and his colleagues put out fliers in Manhattan and online ads on Facebook and Craigslist looking for people who had been through an unwanted breakup of a romance in the last six months. As the brains of the 40 volunteers were scanned through functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), half the time they looked at photos of their ex, and half the time they looked at photos of a friend. During both situations, participants were asked to focus on experiences they shared with the people in the pictures.

For comparison to their response to physical discomfort, the participants also had probes placed on their forearms that could get painfully hot.

The scientists found that parts of the brain linked with physical pain also lit up when individuals were remembering bad breakups.

"Rejection literally hurts," Smith said."