How Have Your Parents & In-Laws Reacted to Your Illness?

Both Richard's parents died before I met him so I have no in-laws. My own parents were in their 70's when I first developed a chronic pain condition. Their reaction was surprising, although it shouldn't have been. They both backed away and assumed that Richard and I would handle it just fine.

We were not a family that discussed personal matters, and I guess illness is a personal matter. Or perhaps more accurately, the illness of an adult child, which in my family's taxonomy falls into the category that contains topics like sex, birth control, divorce, and emotion.

I think that my parents' reluctance to dive into my illness any more deeply than asking "How are you?" does not stem from indifference or callousness. Quite the opposite. I think it is their way of defending themselves against the consummate horror of knowing their child is in pain and getting sicker, and they are helpless to make it all go away.

Eventually they began phoning more frequently. My mother started sending me quarts of her home-made pea soup by mail (she shipped them frozen overnight and they would arrive partially thawed). I always felt their love, if not their caretaking.

What has been your experience (both as the ill and well partner) with parents and in-laws?

A Good Day

Beautiful day. Pink cherry tree blossoms exploding. Sidewalks carpeted in dogwood petals. Air smells green and hopeful. Pain is a whisper I have to really listen for if I want to notice it.

Richard greets me at the back door as I return from yoga class. He smiles like he's a five year old kid and I'm a chocolate ice cream cone. We talk about what kind of wine to bring to a barbecue tonight.

Today is a good day for me.

How would you describe what a good day is like for you?

What Happens When the Well Partner Gets Sick?

I recently heard about a couple situation in which one partner had been the designated ill person for many years. She has a degenerative illness which often requires complete rest and occasional hospitalization. She has already outlived doctors' predictions of her life span.

The couple had adjusted well to the needs this illness imposed on their relationship. They took advantage of her well times to socialize, go to movies, and go for long walks. The more symptomatic times meant the well partner did the chores, and they spent their together time reading or sleeping.

Unexpectedly the well partner was diagnosed with breast cancer. They believe they caught it in its early stages and have high hopes for treatment.

However, this new illness has dramatically shifted their equilibrium as a couple. They were used to one person's limitations dictating the flow of roles and responsibilities. This second illness, in the partner who was supposed to go on being the healthy one, has changed the rules.

How can they now prepare meals, shop for essentials, take their child to school, and generate an income while dealing with the double whammy of two illnesses, each bringing its own set of limitations. They are struggling to adjust.

How many of you are part of a dual-illness couple -- where both people have needs for caretaking? How do you manage this challenge?

How Much Do You Involve Your Partner in Health Care Decisions?

When I was at my worst, floundering around with a chronic pain condition with no answers and no direction, Richard came with me to every appointment - from medical specialists to homeopathist. On the practical side, I couldn't drive or remember too clearly, so he was chauffeur and memory. I asked practitioners questions out of a desperate hope for the one pill that would make it all go away. He asked questions that came from a rational, analytic mind. He was as current with my health care status and information as I was. I could not have made it without this kind of support (along with other kinds).

I am curious. To what extent do you, the ill partner, involve your well partner in your health care experiences? Does he/she go with you to appointments? Do research? Stand on the sidelines? Wait for you to bring up health issues? Absent him/herself? How do you balance your health care and your relationship?

And for the well partner - how much do you get involved in your ill partner's medical experiences and day-to-day care needs? How much information do you want to know? Do you sometimes feel left out or frustrated with your partner's style of getting (or not getting) care?

No judgments here. There is no generic right way of connecting or disconnecting around health care activities. What worked for me and Richard might seem too enmeshed and could drive another couple crazy.

What works for you?

Grand Rounds at Health Blog Observatory

Some interesting reads. Check it out.

Caring for an Ill Partner May Extend Your Life

We know how stressful providing care can be, especially if it's your partner who is ill. Here is info from a study reported on MSNBC that found that caregiving may actually lead to a longer life for the caregiver.

What do you think?
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To see if caregiving was truly beneficial to the caregiver, Stephanie Brown (a social psychologist and an assistant professor in the department of internal medicine at the University of Michigan) and her colleagues scrutinized data from 1,688 couples who were at least 70 years old. Over a seven year period, the elderly couples were surveyed four times. During each survey, husbands and wives were asked whether they either provided or received help with such daily activities as eating, dressing, bathing, walking across the room, or using the toilet. They were also asked who performed household tasks such as grocery shopping, managing money and meal preparation.

Brown and her colleagues found that if you accounted for the negative impact of stressing over a loved one’s illness, that caregiving actually led to longer life. During the course of the study, people who spent at least 14 hours a week caring for a sick spouse were almost 30 percent less likely to die during the study period than those who spent no time helping, according to the research recently published in Psychological Science.

The research by Brown and her colleagues fits in with results from studies showing that animals release higher levels of a hormone called oxytocin when they are parenting. That hormone leads to lower levels of stress-linked substances, Brown says. It also makes sense in light of studies showing that people who volunteer tend to live longer than those who don’t, she adds.

What can be done about cancer?

Cancer: The facts
One in three of us will be diagnosed with cancer during our life.
The disease tends to affect older people - but can strike at any time.
Excluding certain skin cancers, there were more than 270,000 new cases of the disease in 2001 - and the rate is increasing by about 1% a year.
Some cancer, such as breast, are becoming more common, while new cases of lung cancer fall away due to the drop in the number of smokers.
However, while the overall number of new cancers is not falling, the good news is that successful treatment rates for many of the most common types are improving rapidly.
BBC News Online has produced, in conjunction with Cancer Research UK, a guide to some of the most common forms of cancer and the treatments used to tackle them.
To learn more about different types of cancer, and to read the experiences of patients, click on the links to the right.

http://my-news-reporter.blogspot.com/

http://www.feeds4all.nl/

Two blog carnivals to check out

Ausmed is hosting this week's health care Grand Rounds. And the Medical Futility Blog is hosting the palliative care blog carnival. I am pleased that my series on What if Your Partner is Jerk is included in both.

PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST SWINE FLU

Apart from certain plants and herbs, and of course Tamiflu the best way to protect against Swine Flu is by using massive doses of Vitamin C. The RDA of vitamin c for a healthy adult in the UK is 60mg, but I am not talking about an orange a day here but 1-10g per day (1,000mg-10,000mg per day,)

So how do I know this will work?. I dont for sure, but I will be taking large doses of vitamin c if I catch Swine Flu.

Twenty years ago my youngest son aged four was quite ill. He had a high temperature, and was vomiting. My GP was not available, so I took a chance and gave him 1,000mg of vitamin c. Not only was my son better and running around like normal, but this had happened within half an hour of giving him the vitamin c.


Nine out of ten times this has worked for me in the past, and although I do not take large doses of vitamin c all the time, which I would advise against, I do think it would help against Swine Flu.
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