Gratitude Can Transform You

From a USA Today article:

Giving Thanks Can Make You Healthier, Happier

Lyubomirsky and Emmons are researchers from the University of California-Davis: who have studied the power of gratitude and learned, for example, that:

•People with high blood pressure not only lower their blood pressure, but feel less hostile and are more likely quit smoking and lose weight when they practice gratitude. In one study, patients just called a research hotline once a week to report on the things that made them grateful.

•People who care for relatives with Alzheimer's disease feel less stress and depression when they keep daily gratitude journals, listing the positive things in their lives.

•Those who maintain a thankful attitude through life appear to have lower risks of several disorders, including depression, phobias, bulimia and alcoholism.

•Most people can lift their mood simply by writing a letter of thanks to someone. Hand-deliver the letter, and the boost in happiness can last weeks or months.

Practicing gratitude in these systematic ways changes people by changing brains that "are wired for negativity, for noticing gaps and omissions," Emmons says. "When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you get angrier; when you express gratitude, you become more grateful."

And grateful people, he says, don't focus so much on pain and problems. They also are quicker to realize they have friends, families and communities to assist them in times of need. They see how they can help others in distress as well, he says.

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May we all find a kindred hand to hold and someone to be grateful for this Thanksgiving.

Kreativ Blogger Award

I am touched that two terrific blogs passed on the Kreativ Blogger Award to me -- Lemon Aide and How to Cope with Pain.

The recipient names six things she is happy about and passes the award on to six other blogs.

Here are my 6 happy things:

1 - The usual suspects -- my sweetie, friends, family, the sky, chocolate, many good days


2 - Pandora - radio from the music genome project


3 - Looking forward to reading Neal Stephenson's latest book, Anathem


4 -


5 - Our Japanese toilet


6 - Memories of my dog, Mina


There are so many great blogs out there, but the blogs I have the pleasure of passing this award on to are:

The Wife of a Schizophrenic
Multiple Synchronicities
But You Don't Look Sick
About A Nurse
Everyone Need Therapy
Discover and Recover

Grand Rounds is Up at Dr. Deb

Grand Rounds is a collection of weekly posts from the health blogosphere. they always make good reading. This week it's at Dr. Deb.

Freezing and Unfreezing

There are these two nude statues, man and woman, standing across from each other in a secluded park. A few hundred years after they've been put in place, an angel flutters down to them.

A wave of his hand, and suddenly the statues have been given flesh, and they step down from their pedestals.

The angel says, "I have been sent to grant the request you both have made after hundreds of years of standing across from each other, unable to move. But be quick--you only have fifteen minutes until you must become statues again."

The man looks at the woman, and they both flush, and giggle, and run off into some underbrush. An intense rustling comes from the bushes, and seven minutes later, they both come back to the angel, obviously satisfied.

The angel smiles at the couple. "That was only seven minutes--why not go back and do it again?"

The former statues look at each other for a minute, and then the woman says, "Why not? But let's reverse it. This time you hold down the pigeon, and I'll shit on its head...."

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Not to wax too philosophical about a silly story - but I think it's often in the nature of the couple relationship that we get frozen into positions. We can be drawn to each other because we see in the other qualities that complete something for us. Kindness where we might have experienced harshness in the past. Adoration reflected back at us from our partner's eyes instead of the contempt we came to expect from someone who was once important to us. Help instead of invisibility. Sorrow for our pain, instead of self righteousness.

Once we receive these surprising gifts, it is easy to lock the partner into this role, defined by these attributes, a role we so much want him or her to ceaselessly portray. And to become intolerant of any deviations from the script.

Richard needs me to listen to him, to give him the complete hearing his family was unable to provide. I need him to see me, to reflect back to me my beauty and not shame me for my warts. When I can't listen to him, or he can't recognize me, we can get frozen. We can get stuck in a struggle to coerce the response we so desire from the other, and ironically, this struggle drives away what we most want -- connection.

Illness, of course, makes this dance more intricate. Pain, exhaustion, fear on the part of the ill partner can make the needs feel more urgent while the ability to articulate them becomes more remote. Helplessness, empathy, anger, and exhaustion on the part of the well partner can have the same effect. What is the result? Freezing. Getting locked in place in repetitive, fruitless attempts to extract comfort from someone as wounded and stuck as you.

How do you unfreeze? Go shit on a pigeon.

Not literally. But introduce something unexpected into the mix. Something startling. Especially something funny. Something that disrupts the pattern and starts the unfreezing. Anything from Monty Python or the Daily Show, even the Weather Channel. Watch a small dog try to carry a very large stick. Reach across the aisle and grab hold of your partner's hand.

Go shit on a pigeon.

True Love Crosses All Lines: Tarra and Bella

The story begins:

"In the secret back hills of rural Tennessee an unusual relationship had developed......"

You will delight in reading this remarkable story about Tarra and Bella.

I think we learn the most about true love and caring from the unexpected places.